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May 2nd, 2009 @ 3:43am
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[hex to self.]
I think I've lost interest in school, I received my first bad mark. I feel like a complete failure of sorts for it. I just didn't care to study for the test, but that is what I get for not studying.
Everywhere feels like such a prison.
I would like to see Miss Tonks about my problem, but I feel I owe such a great debt to my family. Perhaps, if I had been slightly more appealing to the male eye, I would find love to be much easier? I thought of talking to Pansy, but she just does not understand because she has Draco and can pick and choose her potential partners.
I hate such old fashion.
Most of the people I feel I could express my concerns to are out of school, which makes it difficult for me to really vent out.
[/hex]
[private to miss tonks.]
Miss Tonks, how are you doing?
[/hex]
So, I received my first bad mark of the year. I should have studied. No pain, no gain I suppose.
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April 18th, 2009 @ 2:51am
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I'm glad to be back at school, I kind of wished I could go home for once, I didn't have any time. Now that I've got time for classes again, I feel much less annoyed at my situation for now. I'm quite glad I decided to return, I give a personal thanks to Professor Lupin, I would not have come back had it not been for him.
Not that anyone would notice me not being here.
My classes are such a bore though, I don't mind just sitting there.
It's a different setting.
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March 18th, 2009 @ 12:40pm
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Dear Ernie,
I'm sorry for your loss, my parents send their wishes to you and your family.
[Hexed to Herself]
Teddy invited me over to his home, why do I feel all sort of nervous now? I know I haven't really gone out all summer, but I can't think of anything I could possibly do. I hope that he's not asking me because he feels as if he's obligated to do so.
I told Pierre that I was invited by someone at school to hang out at his home, he's not being very nice about it. He had me on winter break, spring break and almost all of summer break. I haven't even seen my parents for the most part, not that they care all that much.
You know, so many have it so much worse than I do. I should be appreciative of being given a chance for a good life because my parents are not young, but neither is Pierre. Sigh.
I don't know if I want to go to school, Professor Lupin says that I should, but I feel otherwise. The only reason I would go is just to be around people my own age.
No one knows how lucky they have it to have choices. Even Draco, he has a choice. I'm so jealous.
[/Hex]
I'm so jealous.
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March 15th, 2009 @ 3:14pm
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Everyone is always excited over Quidditch, I kind of wish I could play though. I always liked watching it in person, Oh well, there isn't much I can do at the moment anyway. Is everyone doing alright or?
Feh, it is so boring.
Is anyone in France?
Not that anyone would WANT to come see me, but it doesn't hurt to ask..
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February 22nd, 2009 @ 7:30am
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So, I'm at Pierre's.
I hate being here, I'm kind of lonely.
I'm trying to do some early studying, but I might give that up.
I wonder if it's even important for me to return to finish my NEWTS.
My life is already over.
We talked. He bought the ring today.
I hope my parents are pleased.
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January 6th, 2009 @ 4:33am
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I'm not thoroughly excited over the next year, but I do hope it will be eventful. Pierre and I set a date through owls considering I cannot be there to do such in person. I'm only disappointed that I feel I should have done more, but I will get a chance over my break.
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November 11th, 2008 @ 7:49am
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(private)
I've spoken to parents about the effects on what will happen if I should continue this match of me and Pierre. They haven't seemed to budge and have threatened my small inheritance if I should refuse. I've not told anyone I know at school because I don't want them getting the wrong idea that I'm someone I'm not.
I'd love to be able to find myself someone to care about me, who was acceptable to my family, but I'm guessing that won't be happening as they've not made any arrangements and others seem uninspired to ask me out.
I never really cared about my blood anyway. I wish I could just find someone my own age to settle down with, I know that my classmates would think I'm saying these things too soon, but I'm not.
I'm well aware of what's going to happen to me out of school and my duties. I just wish there was a way around it. I don't want to be some old-man's lover, not matter how much I'll be getting paid. I see myself, five years from now, a drunken, used up woman with too many children and living alone.
I wish I could just tell my secret to everyone and ask someone to do me this favour.
That's incomprehensible, no one would be so charitable as to save me from my fate. I'll just continue complaining privately so it doesn't bother or worry anyone. Last time I remember that Pansy thought it was disgusting, I felt really bad after that for a while. They don't understand.
Nobody does or will.
(/private)
I've not really felt like writing in this confounded journal, it's become tedious and only served to upset what few people even read this rubbish. In other news, I've manage to master my upside-down flying trick. Not that I'll ever use it in the real world, but it's a skill I've always wanted to do since not everyone can flying upside down.
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October 9th, 2008 @ 12:25am
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Sometimes, I really think parents are out to make their children as miserable as they possibly can with a smile on their face and a "It's for your own good." I'm not going answer their Owls unless they have something important that I must know.
I don't want to hear about Pierre.
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September 26th, 2008 @ 7:57am
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I got a letter from my Pierre today, he says that he misses me but I don't care. I don't like this and if it was my choice, I wouldn't go through with it. It's so gross that he's older than my parents.
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September 6th, 2008 @ 4:58am
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You know, I was out somewhere and I'm really agitaited because I saw someone and spoke to them but I guess they didn't see me or hear me? I don't know, it was very agitating.
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August 5th, 2008 @ 11:23am
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I haven't written in this incontrovertibly silly thing in a while, I'm getting the distinct impression that it's suppose to be entertaining for everyone. Oh well, I guess I can try it out again and deal with it.
My holidays were just fair, I received a letter from my grandmother and I visited her. I didn't want to really stay at home, there is nothing for me there. I practised with the new set of Gobstones that Gran gave me, she's always so nice I wish my French was a little better so we could talk in her language rather than mine.
I heard there was a Charity Ball, but I've no one to accompany and I'm not going to put on a silly dress only to sit uncomfortably in it all night. I might sneak out to a cafe later, anyone going to be in London?
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August 4th, 2008 @ 5:16am
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( edfe )
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